Adventures in Parenting #28: How to Feed Your Baby Rice Cereal

One of the (many) things I did not know about before becoming a parent is this substance called "rice cereal." First off, I have no idea why the word "cereal" is in any way associated with this stuff. Cereal is one of the greatest foods this planet of ours has to offer and as a hater of virtually every creamy food, I can definitively say that rice cereal should receive no place in this conversation. Disgusting. Anyway, for idiots like me who don't know, rice cereal is the stuff you give your baby to progress him/her toward baby food and ultimately real food that isn't mushed together in a blender. This is probably the main reason for growing up, so you can start eating pizza and stuff. We started feeding Cooper rice cereal a couple of weeks ago so I thought I'd provide a handy-dandy guide to making this step a successful one. Step 1: Put your baby in a seat, strap him down with a lap table, and put a bib on him so that he has something to chew on while you try to feed him.

Step 2: Let him have a taste of this "cereal" that has absolutely no marshmallows, cinnamon, or sugar in it so that he knows it's awful.

Step 3: Let him immediately go back to eating his bib because it probably tastes better anyway.

Step 4: Realize that the bib isn't working and take it off, thereby sacrificing his shirt to ruin.

Step 5: Remove said ruined shirt because really what were you thinking having this kid wear anything in the first place?

Step 6: Take pictures as your child becomes increasingly angry because A.) The rice cereal is not filling his belly nearly as fast as milk does, B.) He keeps slouching over because his head is too heavy to hold up on his own, and C.) Rice cereal probably tastes terrible.

Step 7: Re-position his head so that maybe this won't anger him as much....

Step 8: ....except now his giant head is leaning too far forward and so the rice cereal just dribbles back out onto his chest.

Step 9: Distract him from his anger by letting him play with the wash rag while eating....

Step 10: ....which he then proceeds to attack. Because surely this wet rag will provide some sustenance.

Step 11: Take the rag away from him.

Step 12: Finish up the feeding.

Step 13: Ask him how he feels about rice cereal. He's not so sure.

Step 14: Get one semi-decent photo to make it seem like the entire exercise wasn't a borderline disaster that ruined two shirts, the carpet, and the dog's willingness to be around the family.

Step 15: Do this every single day.

When can this kid start sharing my Whataburger? Brian