Adventures in Parenting #10: Can Babies Eat Muchacos?

A while back, Lindsey entered herself in a contest thrown by Taco Bueno that awarded the winner with a year's supply of Taco Bueno and the title of Bueno Head of the Year. I refused to participate in these shenanigans for the following two reasons: 1.) I think Taco Bueno is at best "adequate" and at worst "vomit-inducing"; and 2.) I hold a strong dislike for performing in any manner that draws a spotlight. Public speaking, singing, dancing, dressing up for theme parties, etc. are all things I do not like, preferring instead to sit in the back and make inappropriate jokes.

With virtually no prep time, Lindsey came up with a plan, executed it, and inevitably won the crown. She received a ridiculous amount of adequate/vomit-inducing food, the vaunted title, and a trip to New Orleans for the company's management conference. I was proud of her and also incredibly happy that I didn't have to participate in any of the shenanigans. It was a win-win.


This difference in personality between Lindsey and I is well-known within our circle of friends and family. Lindsey choreographs and performs in Summer Spectacular, our church's VBS on steroids, every year while I will not get within 100 feet of the stage. When we got married and moved into our first home, Lindsey brought with her many boxes filled with dozens of costumes; I have a Marty McFly shirt-jacket-vest that I once wore to an 80s party that I probably wouldn't wear again even if the party theme was actually Back to the Future (let's be honest, I probably wouldn't go to the party, anyway). Lindsey will gladly be the first one on the dance floor at a wedding while I sit in the back and make fun of how white all of our friends are, knowing full well that I would look even worse if I mistakenly found my way onto the floor. We have struck an accord on this in that I support her performance gene in whatever form it manifests itself as long as I do not have to participate against my will. This works well for us.

I do wonder, however, what side of this equation Cooper will come out on. Will he be a performer like Lindsey or shy away from the spotlight like me? We got our first taste of this confluence of personality over the weekend with Taco Bueno once again serving as the catalyst. Having been inspired by the rousing success of their previous contest, Bueno yet again afforded their fans the opportunity to win a year's worth of their adequate to vomit-inducing product, this time calling for a dance video centered around the performer's love for the company. A dance contest involving Taco Bueno sounds like the perfect opportunity for Lindsey. Dancing, probably bad music, and Mexican food?! It's like this contest was designed specifically for her. Unfortunately, however, she is still out of commission following the delivery and hasn't been approved for exercise yet. Sometimes you just can't catch a break, you know?

Fortunately for Lindsey and possibly unfortunately for Cooper, we have the most adorable baby in the world. Lindsey set about a plan that involved re-writing the lyrics to a horrendous pop song from the late 90s, enlisting the help of her brother-in-law John to sing the newly re-worked horrendous pop song, purchase a bag full of adequate to vomit-inducing food as well as a collection of possibly racist props, and forcing our young child to "dance" along with the music. The result is as follows:

If your first reaction to this video is, "I'm going to call CPS", don't bother. I already called it in myself and they have informed me that unless we actually made the baby eat Taco Bueno, there's nothing they can do. Their hands are tied. That's the government for you. The video is, however, unquestionably cute. I'm still not sure whether this is the best thing to happen to Cooper in his short 5 weeks on the planet or the worst but I guess we will have to wait and see how he comes out on this whole performing thing. Who knows, maybe he'll end up being Taco Bueno's version of the Gerber Baby and this foolishness will pay for college. Either way, it will make for excellent blackmail material in the future and will serve as payback for the lack of sleep he has subjected us to over the last few days.

Rosa's > Taco Cabana > Taco Bueno > Taco Bell = Slow Death, Brian