Movie Review: Fast & Furious 6

When a gang of international criminals led by Owen Shaw (Luke Evans) eludes all attempts at capture, special agent Hobbs (Dwayne The Rock Johnson) has run out of options. With nowhere else to turn, Hobbs approaches retired criminals/street race drivers Dom (Vin Diesel) and Brian (Paul Walker) with the promise of information on the whereabouts of the believed-to-be-dead Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) in exchange for the capture of Shaw. Dom’s reassembled crew of crooks teams with Hobbs to track down Shaw but they soon find that he is a much more capable adversary than anyone they’ve taken on before.

I was in high school when the first Fast and Furious came out and I embraced it as a bit of a guilty pleasure. The second and third installments, however, are brutal; genuinely bad movies (two especially). A second chance presented itself, though, as through the magic of HBO I was reacquainted with the series with number four and by the time Fast Five rolled around in 2011 (seriously one of the most enjoyable, rewatchable action movies of the last decade even if you’ve never seen another Fast and Furious movie), I was fully invested in the series again. I’ll make no bones about it: I love the Fast and Furious franchise. There is something extremely appealing about an action movie that knows exactly what it is and never takes itself too seriously and that is exactly what this series has become. Everything escalates from film to film but in some weird way each jump seems to be the next logical step for the franchise to make and Fast and Furious 6 is no different. It is bigger, badder, and more explosive than the last film which is exactly what it intends to be and exactly why I love it.

Look, this is not a film (or a series) that should be viewed with an overly critical eye. All reality must be suspended to sit in for Fast Six and if you can’t do that then you absolutely should not see this movie. If, however, you can leave not your brain but your, “That’s not possible!” sense at the door, you are unlikely to find a more entertaining, fun movie this year. Diesel and Walker, now completely comfortable in their characters and I believe thoroughly in on the joke, complement each other in a way that every romantic comedy pairing can only dream of. They are the Jordan and Pippen of driving fast cars and as a longtime fan of the franchise, it really is hilariously joyous to watch them work together (I truly, truly mean this). The surrounding cast play off of Diesel and Walker quite well with Ludacris, The Rock, and even Tyrese Gibson (long the black sheep of the Fast and Furious family) hitting the right note more often than not. Evans’ Shaw is the sort of solid if uninspiring villain that the franchise has been missing and given the events of the film (no spoilers), I can only guess that the ante will be upped tremendously in the next installment.

The real star of Fast Six, however, is director Justin Lin, just as it was with Fast Four and Fast Five. (By the way, I completely understand how ridiculous all of this sounds. The titles are probably the greatest weakness of the franchise.) You can definitely question Lin’s ability to structure dialogue and narrative or whether or not he understands the basics of physics, but you cannot question the man’s incredible grasp of action. I would go so far as to say that no one in the industry right now consistently produces better action sequences than Lin does and Fast Six is a brilliant example of this. His shot selection is impeccable and his mix of CGI and practical effects is nearly perfect. His ability to capture the coolness of a car chase, a heist, a shootout on the longest runway in the history of mankind is what makes Fast Six an absolute blast of a movie. Forget the plot holes and the massive leaps in the realm of what is actually humanly possible and instead, live your life a quarter mile at a time and just enjoy the NOS out of this one. Grade: A- (Rated PG-13 for some language, general comic book-ish violence, and some sexuality)

Review: GI Joe Retaliation

A few years after the events of Rise of Cobra, Cobra Commander has been stored away in secret prison and the Joes have come under the leadership of Duke (Channing Tatum) and his right hand man Roadblock (Dwayne The Rock Johnson). But after completing a mission overseas, the Joes camp is attacked and almost all of our heroes are killed. The president of the United States, who literally does not have a name (Jonathan Pryce), tells the world that the Joes were responsible for a number of treacherous acts and calls for the global eradication of nuclear weapons. But the president isn’t who he says he is and the task of stopping him falls to Roadblock, Lady Jaye (Adrienne Palicki), DJ Cortona (Flint), and Snake Eyes (Ray Park). I’ve decided to keep things fresh around here by coming at GI Joe: Retaliation from a pros and cons standpoint. Now, I’m about to take this movie out back and beat it with a shovel until I have exacted my revenge for the 110 minutes it took from me, but in the interest of fairness, let’s start with the positives.

PROS 1. The Rock is pretty solid. He does his dead level best to raise the material he was given to work with and he does a more than adequate job of dressing this proverbial pig up with a pretty bow. Some of the best parts of the movie involve the back and forth between Johnson and Tatum.

2. I find Adrienne Palicki extremely attractive and perhaps because of this (or my blind loyalty to anything related to Friday Night Lights) I didn’t think her performance was horrible.

3. There’s a five minute fight scene between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) that is ninjatastic and highly enjoyable even if it is almost immediately ruined by the following sequence.

4. Any time Walton Goggins shows up, your project jumps up a notch.

5. GI Joe Retaliation is not quite as bad as Rise of Cobra, due entirely to the aforementioned presence of The Rock.

CONS NOTE: This list is basically the scratching of the surface of the issues I had with this movie but I’ve lost track of some of them due to the lobotomy I gave myself upon walking out of the theater. NOTE TWO: There might be a tiny spoiler in here somewhere. I think it’s pretty obvious from the trailer but if you don’t want the suspense of such a terrific film ruined, then turn away now.

1. There are approximately 756 plot points within GI Joe Retaliation that make absolutely no sense. Now I am aware that it’s not like this film was made out to be Schindler’s List and I can look past some holes in the interest of enjoying an action movie but this goes far beyond the acceptable level of what a man can overlook. My favorite was when the Joes essentially allow London to get blown to bits in order to out Cobra Commander. Hey Britain, I know you’ve been our ally for years and all, but we’re betting you probably won’t miss London.

2. Director Jon M. Chu has NO IDEA how to shoot an action scene. Most of the sequences are too fast and blurry for the eye to keep up and half the time I literally couldn’t tell what was happening on screen. I don’t know what I expected from the man who directed not one but two Step Up movies.

3. Ray Stevenson’s accent is appalling.

4. While Cobra Commander is ostensibly the main villain, the focal point of the film is Pryce’s president and the character ranks up there with the worst villains in a blockbuster movie ever. I think he was supposed to be a sort of sly, cool bad guy but instead he just comes off as cheesy and cliché riddled. Some of this is the writing but let me be frank: Pryce does NOTHING to help the situation.

5. Speaking of the script, it’s bloody wretched. Not only is the plot a total mess, the dialogue is (as expected) cringe-worthy, and perhaps most importantly, it’s extremely dated. I know this film was pushed back by a year but it goes far beyond that. GI Joe Retaliation feels like it was written by an 8^th grader who was sent to the future from 1999. So many little things jump off the screen as out of place because it’s all so antiquated.

6. The scuttlebutt around the Internet was that this movie was bumped from last year to allow for some reshoots that would play up Channing Tatum’s role. Well…not so much, as his character dies within the first 15 minutes. A year ago I never would have imagined I’d write something like this but if you’ve got Channing Tatum in your movie, you probably want to play his character up rather than kill him off.

7. Speaking of Duke, his death is so nondescript as to lead to immediate speculation that he’ll make a remarkable comeback for the inevitable third film. I’m calling my shot now!

8. Throughout the movie, the characters seem to have knowledge that they shouldn’t have. It’s almost as if the characters were given copies of the script before they were thrown into these trying situations.

9. There’s an inherent stupidity to much of what happens throughout this movie. I didn’t expect it to be overly cerebral but it’s like Chu and his cronies go out of their way to make sure the characters do and say idiotic things. The satellites Cobra uses to destroy the world doesn’t launch or shoot its missile but rather it simply “drops” the projectile from space and allows “gravity” to do the rest. Nope.

10. There’s just about nothing that any of these actors could have done to bring GI Joe Retaliation up from the dregs that the script and direction place it in, but it’s possible that no actor has ever given a worse performance in a big budget movie than what RZA has to offer us here. As the sensei for Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, he serves as a sort of narrator over a particularly worthless tangential storyline and the excruciating pain that his portrayal brought on is akin to one of the lesser levels of hell. STOP TRYING TO ACT!!!

All that to say, GI Joe Retaliation is the worst movie I have seen in this young year and it should be avoided at all costs. I mean that. If someone breaks into your house and demands that you either give him your life savings or watch this movie, you should hand over your valuables and consider yourself lucky.

GI Joe: Retaliation Director: Jon M. Chu Cast: The Rock, Adrienne Palicki, Jonathan Pryce Rated: PG-13 (cartoon violence, some mild language) Recommended For: Pre-teen boys and Guantanamo prisoners

Review: Snitch

I have never been a fan of The Rock. I understand his appeal, mind you, but he’s never been a key force in my movie viewing life and I typically shy away from his films. I have yet to enjoy him in a comedic setting, I find the allure of professional wrestling to be baffling, and I have long taken the stand that I would not refer to The Rock as any other name until he proved that he could actually act. Well, the day has come, for while Snitch may not be anything to write home about, Mr. Dwayne The Rock Johnson gives what I would consider to be his finest (and perhaps first) example of real acting. Congratulations on your new title, Mr. Johnson. Please don’t beat me up. John Matthews (Johnson) is a hardworking construction company owner who has become estranged from his teenage son, Jason (Rafi Gavron). Jason gets caught up in a federal sting operation when he accepts a package of pills from a friend and since he has no knowledge to parlay, he finds himself facing 10 years in prison. Desperate to help his son, John convinces Daniel (Jon Bernthal), an ex-con who works in the construction yard, to put him in touch with a local drug dealer. Through this association, John is able to broker a deal with the district attorney to get his son’s release upon the arrest of a major player in the drug game. But while he proves proficient at his job, John winds up getting closer than he ever expected to the cartel’s leadership, a move that puts everyone in his family in great peril.

Snitch is the antithesis of the typical movie you would expect to find Johnson involved in. It has a slow pace, there is very little explosive action until the final sequence, and while the writing isn’t particularly special (more on this in a minute), the story is definitely the driving force behind the film as opposed to any other element you typically get in a Johnson movie. Somehow, however, Johnson finds a groove within the world of Snitch that I really don’t think he’s hit in the past. He isn’t trying to be humorous at all (always a plus in my opinion) but much more importantly, he’s actually playing a character. Johnson’s filmography is filled with examples of characters who are just The Rock in a different costume. The Rock as a cop, The Rock as a bodybuilder, The Rock as a hockey player turned fairy tale entity (*cringe*). In Snitch, however, I actually felt like I was seeing a real person on screen rather than another roided-out persona. John Matthews is a dad, a blue-collar worker, and most of all, a man, and I don’t believe I’ve ever seen that from Johnson before. Moreover, he’s a man who is severely out of his depth in a world he doesn’t understand or fit in and that comes through quite clearly. In short, there’s very little of The Rock being The Rock and beating the snot out of bad guys because he’s The Rock. And I quite like that change.

Now, much of the rest of Snitch is mediocre at best. As hard as the film works to push its story as the main course rather than a paltry side dish, it is weak and sometimes horribly heavy-handed. Most of the supporting characters are painted with some extremely tired colors and the actors who play them do little to shed those clichéd and exhausted skins. Sarandon in particularly comes across as bored and uninspired; she can’t have spent more than five days filming her part. The aforementioned slow pacing isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it was unexpected and I found myself checking the time and wishing things would gear up. In addition, too many of the important events happen in quick bursts when a sustained build would have suited the film much better. John’s family could have been developed rather than explained (a pet peeve of mine in a story-centric action film like this one is trying to be) and I could have used way more of Barry Pepper’s undercover cop. Note to Hollywood: Barry Pepper makes everything better (except Battlefield: Earth). Give this man some screentime already.

As it stands, Snitch is something like a half-finished project with some strong moments brought to life by Johnson that are surrounded by some incomplete thoughts that could have and should have been refined. Even still, it’s a fine performance by Johnson and that alone makes it worth a viewing, a sentence I never thought I’d have occasion to write.

Snitch Director: Ric Roman Waugh Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Barry Pepper, Jon Bernthal Rated: PG-13 (violence, drug use, and surprisingly little profanity) Recommended For: Fans and Haters of The Rock Alike, ages 11+