10 Worst TV Pilots (2013-present)

We’ve just wrapped our viewing and recaps on the 2019 TV Pilots. Despite the typically lean offerings of the networks, this year wasn’t really that bad, thanks in large part to the bevy of new streaming shows I was able to sprinkle in amongst the rabble. But when I began the arduous process of sifting through each of the fall’s new shows (30 in all, bless my heart), I thought about the sheer number of pilots I’ve watched in the six years of Mad About Movies and which of these episodes were the worst of the worst. Here are the ten pilots that jump out, the ones I still remember and have possibly been scarred by, since we did our first pilots episode way back in 2013.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: God Friended Me (CBS, 2018), Bad Judge (NBC, 2014), Wisdom of the Crowd (CBS, 2017), Lucky Seven (ABC, 2013), Kevin Can Wait (CBS, 2016)

10. The Great Indoors (CBS, 2016)
I’m not saying The Great Indoors ruined Joel McHale’s career. But I am saying The Great Indoors was so bad, and so poorly conceived, that we all collectively decided, “Eh, that’s probably enough Joel McHale for a while.” In defense of Joel, it was pretty clear he took this gig so he could buy a vacation home in Honolulu or something and I, for one, respect the cash grab.

9. The Good Doctor (ABC, 2017)
People I know and trust really like The Good Doctor and swear to me that it’s gotten good. I am willing to acknowledge this is possible. I, however, could not get over the pilot’s premise which seemed to be, “People on the spectrum actually have superpowers!” Representation matters! GOOD representation matters even more!

8. Stalker (CBS, 2014)
The first of two Dylan McDermott or possibly Dermot Mulroney (who could even know which it was) joints to make my list, Stalker played less like the edgy cop drama it intended to be and more like a how-to for potential sex criminals. Probably not the BEST approach for ensuring long-term success, especially on CBS.

7. Welcome to the Neighborhood (CBS, 2018)
Obviously, there have been worse pilots over the years, but few have made me cringe as hard or as frequently as Neighborhood. The “jokes” were so bad, and so predictable, that I found myself pre-cringing and saying out loud, to myself, “Please don’t say i- gahhhhh, he said it.” Maybe, just maybe, CBS sitcoms aren’t the BEST place for handling issues like gentrification and race relations but what do I know.  

6. LA to Vegas (FOX, 2017)
The only funny thing about this pilot, and the six or so episodes that followed before its inevitable cancellation, was the feeling that every single person on screen, from the extras to Dylan McDermott/Dermot Mulroney, knew they were on a sinking ship. There’s not one hint of optimism in this episode, like the cast held a meeting before the first table read and all agreed, “We will all be free of this commitment by Halloween.”

5. A Million Little Things (ABC, 2018)
The first show to really grab hold of the This is Us vibe and run it fully into the ground, A Million Little Things is trying SO HARD to make you cry that it almost immediately begins to feel like a threat. “If you don’t cry,” declared the ABC executive. “I will waterboard your dog.” I don’t care for the emotional terrorism of This is Us but at least it’s well-written. NOT SO MUCH with this one. 

4. Mulaney (FOX, 2014)
Oof, this one still hurts a bit. John Mulaney is one of the funniest comedians ever and a particular favorite of mine. Add in Martin Freaking Short and what could possibly go wrong with this fresh take on Seinfeld? Turns out a lot. A. LOT. Could go wrong.

3. Mixology (ABC, 2014)
Do you like reprehensible characters without a single redeeming quality among the entire group? Do you like when a show takes said reprehensible, irredeemable characters and tries to redeem them but does so mockingly? How do you feel about the implication of date rape? Well, have I got a show for you…

2. Inhumans (ABC, 2017)
It’s fair to say the Marvel TV shows haven’t gone quite as well as Disney/Marvel would’ve hoped. But the mediocre returns on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and the rest pale in comparison to the disaster of Inhumans. Nothing, literally nothing, about Inhumans makes sense in the pilot and while there have been plenty of shows over the years that were confusing up front and asked their viewers to go along for the journey (See: Lost and every Lost knock-off to come along since 2004), there are very few that are as stupid and poorly-written as this one. It was DOA and audiences knew it.  

1. The Mysteries of Laura (NBC, 2014)
Five years on and I’m still blown away by the premise for Laura which is, essentially, “This woman has a career AND a family, whhhhhhaaaattttttttt???” If the exceedingly stupid and tone-deaf “concept” weren’t bad enough, the writing within the pilot was physically painful. The only real mystery (*sunglasses emoji*) here is how this trainwreck got 38 episodes before cancellation.